Sunday, March 6, 2011

Ist Paragraph of Mirror, Mirror--Who's the Next to Die

 Mirror, Mirror--Who's the Next to Die
Prologue

                The plane landed smoothly and taxied up to the terminal at O'Hare International. The medium height-medium sized man blended in with the crowd.  He looked like any professional man commuting from city to city, nothing remarkable stood out. Nothing remarkable, except for his intense stare, the way he lowered his chin, and the way he pulled his upper lip over his lower lip. He didn't notice the slight pain as he bit the inside of his lip or the pain from his clenched fist as his fingernails dug into his soft, smooth palms. His concentration remained unbroken. 

9 comments:

  1. I know there's been comments on this, but they aren't showing up. Hmm.

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  2. I like to read more..He's bad guy.
    Del

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  3. Thanks Del. I appreciate your support. Always.

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  4. I would like to read more...I would really like to know what is going to happen next.

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  5. Umm... This takes place in the early '20s, right? Chcago's airport wasn't called O'Hare until after WWII (named for Butch O'Hare, a WWII pilot).
    Sorry, I know it sounds petty, but maybe I've misunderstood what you're writing. Have I?
    Other than that, he does sound a suspicious piece of work...

    Had to post as "Anonymous", but it's me, Jeff, in Wyoming!

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  6. Hey Jeff, did you see me waving as I passed by Friday? Part of the novel is in 1923(Time travel), but this part is present day.Thanks for noticing. It's so easy to mess up on time lines.

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  7. I would like to read more, I was really getting into it , then the story ended, So maybe I can read more later, Loved it,,
    Carol

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  8. This is Dennis. This is a good opening scene. It sets the stage and creates suspense; however, it sounds too hurried. Try dramatizing. For example begin inside the plane's cabin. The Captain announces so many minutes until touchdown. Then go to your MC. Have him describe what he sees and hears out of the window as they prepare to land. Then dramatize his feelings as they approach. Show his anxiety, have him think about what he may possibly face; his conflicts, his fears, etc.

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